Baby Steps

Last night, I was re-reading William Martin’s, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice For Modern Parents (which is one of my all-time favorite parenting books by the way), and was struck by a section he titled, “As They Are.” I’ll share it here:

“When you are with your children be one with them.

Let every part of your body relax and become as supple as your child’s.

Allow all expectations and anxieties to melt away so that you can see clearly.

Love them as they are in this very moment, without needing to change a thing.

When their lives are filled with trouble allow events to unfold without pushing or straining, and you will understand clearly what your role should be.

You nourish them without possessing them.

You guide them without controlling them.

You help them without worrying.”

I’ve read this many times over the years and always found it a helpful, and encouraging, reminder to release attachment to certain outcomes where my son is concerned. Last night when I read it, I couldn’t help thinking about a writing work in progress I’ve been having some challenges with lately. In many ways, that WIP is just like a child. It requires my attention and energy, my guidance and help, to make its way into the world. And, it has things to say, and things to show or teach me along the way. I’m still early in the drafting stage with this one, but because I’d been in full on edit mode for months on another project, my brain has been wanting to stay in edit mode, rather than releasing expectation and simply allowing things to unfold. This has, of course, caused some friction between me and that WIP as I’ve found myself trying to edit and revise while the WIP is simply trying to take its first steps.

Reading this passage from The Parent’s Tao Te Ching gently showed me a truth I’d been ignoring; I’ve been getting in the way on this one. Not only have I not been fully present with the WIP, I’ve been trying to control and corral my creativity rather than simply allowing, loving, and being with what is in this very moment. I’ve found myself having attachment to certain outcomes, and wondering or worrying if the story was “any good,” when I’ve not even given it a chance to show me more than glimpses of what it even wants to be.

Thankfully, as Nancy Thayer said, “It’s never too late, in fiction or in life, to revise.” And, I’m doing just that today. Not with the WIP (it’s nowhere near ready for edits yet), but with my own mindset and approach. Honestly, while I’m familiar with the birthing processes, I hadn’t given much thought to seeing creativity in terms of day-to-day parenting. But in this case, I think it works. For me, parenting is a kind of dance – a continual cycle of surrendering my ambitions and aspirations for my child, and embracing and encouraging the aspirations he has for himself. I’m going to play with applying that dance to my current project, and allow for the unfolding. If this idea appeals to you, and even if it scares you a bit, I invite you to try it out too (no worries if you don’t, it’s just a suggestion). Whatever you choose, here’s to being fully present with our creative work, to loving it as it is in this moment, and to allowing for the unfolding, whatever that looks like.